Nothing Nice

by JohnDionne

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about

This is a story of depression, addiction, heartbreak, and darkness. Welcome to Nothing Nice.

Recorded in Boulder, CO at madelife
Written, produced, and mixed by JohnDionne
Mastered by Conor Souhrada
Art work by Emily Carlson
JohnDionneMusic.com

Album release date:
January 13, 2017 (Friday the 13th)

credits

released January 14, 2017

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

JohnDionne Seattle, Washington

JohnDionne is a Seattle rapper and producer that recently released his debut album “Nothing Nice”. This 10 track, entirely self-produced album is raw, angry, and brutally honest.

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Track Name: Nothing Nice
Smoke fills the room my mind, body lethargic (lethargic)
Cowboy killers camel filters fill my lungs ‘til the tar thick (tar thick)
Empty 40 bottles overflow the garbage
The hard days fill with heartache ‘til my heart quit
The only color on the canvas is the crimson from my carcass
Wanna walk off the plank of this hardship, and sink down, down, down

Wanna walk off the plank of this hardship, and sink down, down, down
Track Name: Holy Smokes
V1
I've been a dick
Been addicted to the weed smoke
Feel like benidict betraying my people
I Spend green to burn green leaves
But really i need to spend green to burn CDs
See me I'm struggling, juggling
My emcee dreams,
Should be bumping and hustling
My mp3s
Cause w/o em I got nothing but some empty schemes
My mind a Maschine, heart beating like an Mpc
And that's me, that's real, that's all I'm really here for
But stay distracted by weed rolled and beer poured
I got the drive but too high to steer more
"You said you'd drop a joint", guess I was blowing smoke
Can't complete a song, too busy blowing o's
Motivations gone, ganja got me going broke
Comatose, off the kush but look
I'm still holding hope
...I'm in my spaceship, you mutha fuckas rowing boats
i finally found my calling now I'm following it note for note
Get in my way, get in my face, im holding, choking throats
Im going off the deep end to get you heathens to notice flows
Cause me and Rocco j, will rock the place,
Like holy fucking smokes

V2
Remember tripping hard?
Off chronic sent from Mars
Sippin Disaronno, blunts & big cigars
On the back porch crackin' jokes and spittin bars
But as you picture this, remember this is art
You think this isn't hard? Then grab a pen & paper
Write a line, try and find what you have been afraid of
Too many imitators been up and gettin' famous
Taking over the rap industry's entertainment
And in this day and age yo I can sense a disengagement
A misinterpretation of trials and tribulations
It's like that feeling you get when you miss a payment
Like hip and hop are going at it I just instigate it
I always thought it would get better when I'm older
That's why I vent through every letter in my notebook
Life's a drag that's why I'm never really sober
Even smoked out the angel and the devil on my shoulder
I need smoke
Track Name: Bloody Eyes
V1
Roll outta bed start to walk like a zombie,
Look in the mirror see a man that is not me, oh no no no
Then precede to breathe with a wheeze that leads to dry heaves
Man I can't stop coughing
My stomach bleeds maybe I should feed it something it needs besides all these cigarettes and coffee
I've been on a bud and a booze binge
It goes dub after dub after dub then a new 5th
Wake up in the morning, and I'm mourning "why you do this?"
Screaming at my self you need help ‘fore you lose it
Lost my girl, lost my job, and I lost my mind
Lost my world in a whirlwind out the blue like I'm blind
I find it funny how they feel I'm fine
Edge of the cliff about to slip as they walk by, I'm...
So filled with rage anger and hate, I…
Advocate you stay outta my way, I…
Don't give a fuck about yours when I hate mine
Always press ignore when my family try to FaceTime
Too busy slamming doors to even say hi
Smoke my lows away I blaze everyday and I stay high
I can't live another day inside of all these same lies
I can't play another game and end up with some snake eyes

Hook
I'm seeing red, I'm seeing red my eyes are bloody (x3)
Kill you with a gavel if you mutha fuckas try n judge me

V2
I'm so lost I asked God jus to drop a pin
Show me what to do, where to go, how to live
Me myself and I asking why don’t you help us?
I'm so fuckin’ lost see my mug on the milk jug
I'm so sick & tired of being so sick & tired
It's always smoke n mirrors every time I get inspired
And finding motivations like finding a four leaf clover
I'm tryna find myself but you'll never find me sober
It goes Mary Molly Lucy I've been on a fucking binge, I…
Even slipped up & let that white girl up in the mix
And I can't front or lie I like the way they kiss
I guess it’s just part of me losing my innocence
In a sense such a sick kid
My sentences vicious, my presence is wicked
The only question is… whether the weed or me is more twisted
Everything u think u see, really isn't
Cause I look like a skinny teen from your vision
But feel like Vinnie P, JMT when I be spittin’
And I'm seeing red, no Visine
Smoking weed ‘til my mutha fuckin’ eyes bleed
Track Name: Dionne Darko
The man in the mirror looks like a stranger now
Sorry god but I gotta let my anger out
Middle finger to the sky no fucks to give
Sorry god but I've really had enough of this
Yeah I really had enough of this
Yeah I really had enough...

V1
I'm taking & breaking your rhymes, makin' em into gelatin bro
I'm taking & breaking your spine, playin' drums with your skeleton bones
I'm killing the beat, makin' em fly the flag at half mass
I'm crazy indeed like theres angel dust in my flapjacks
I lost my sanity, I'm just too busy to find it
Who's this cooper kid you speak of, cause i can't find him bro
I'm outta my mind, or whatever you wanna call it
Brushing the chips off my shoulders cause I'm all in
There's a virus in my letters, i'm calling it anthrax
I'm going postal so imposters please stand back
Stand back cause I'm coming full force full bore
Driving a ford explorer through your fucking front door
Leaving a trail of gasoline, watch my thoughts burst
Into flames, do it insane, i'm off my rocker
I'm off my rocker
Gimme a beat and watch me morph into a monster

Hook repeats

V2
I got hot beats, loops of fire like the circus
I'm an untied tiger and I'm leaving you hurting
I stole this sample with a mutha' fuckin' mask and gun
I'm wearing a black hoodie, black t, my pants are sagging son
I'm taking a drag of the cigarette so I'm matching w my blackened lungs
My whole world black, it makes sense that, I'm bat shit huh?
Leaving you black n blue, I'm blacking out and then I'm slapping nuns
But if I don't remember my actions guess it didn't happen huh?
Shots after shots, it's like I'm at a war with rum
Shots after shots, I hate it when the morning comes
God I'm lost, I gotta block out all the morning sun
I'm sorry mom & pops, I love you lots but feel my course is run
Drink the bottle 'til it's hollow, no today and no tomorrow
When I'm behavin' this way I betray all of my role models
Fuck your piss test! I'm running with a blunt in hand
Dropping acid with Alice all day in wonderland
I got a poison pen, my quill is sharp, my verses kill
I'm sitting shotgun while Frank the Bunny works the wheel
I'm gone

Hook repeats
Track Name: Love & Lust
Love & Lust

With lust, I always jump in
But with love, nah I don't trust it (x2)

Yeah with love, I always rush and jump in
But then it turns to lust and fuck I'm not really reluctant
Yeah I was high my drive was fueled by sipping a cup of something
And it's ironic all I wanted was a little substance
But ended up with nothing but regret and upset stomach
So struck with luck, I stood my crush and now it seems we crushed it
See love and lust are fun but I know one is just disgusting
I have no control these girls just get my blood so pumping
And if I'm being honest I wanna love like my sister has
Still the little kid passing notes to the chicks in class
Bit stay distracted by flirty bitches n tits n ass
I'm just a human I'm assuming you can witness that
And sometimes wanna rewind my life a little and relive my past
But understand my mind is like a riddle and I'm missing half
I'm sick in fact,
a mf dick somebody kick my ass
Before I go and lose my grip n trip on down this wicked path

HOOK
I'm not okay babe I'm such a sick guy
Why you think I only text you after midnight
My life is pain babe I'm tryna hide it
Why you think I always show up with my eyes red

I'm not okay, I’m not okay x2

Repeat hook
Track Name: Black & White
i was raised by green eggs and ham
some could say the son of Sam i am
i stand tall in ruins
i don't fit in with the monsters or the humans
biting bullets now my smiles toothless
i don’t give a damn what Simon says
look at my hands, I'm holding Simon’s head
i write the blues and then rhyme in red
I’m just killin’ time but now my time is dead
I've been waiting just to change in a phone booth
don't steal inspiration, go get your own muse
blow your mind you'll never find a man like me
blow your mind when I say fuck profanity
I’m straight to the point, so abstract
on rabbits feet crossin’ black cats
smashing four leaf clovers while I'm walking
still wearing the boots lady luck bought me
You're right by my side, yet I'm left so distant
the clear cut conclusions are completely cryptic
i spit this, and try to stay hungry
while fed up feelings fill my empty tummy
I’m screaming, in a banshee whisper
I'm going with the flow trudging up the river
i left the mob, kept the pitchfork
carry a big stick and a lit torch
making malicious moves, on that manic shit
you morons remain mimicking manikins
i handle biz, with no ...gimmicky antic-ness
stay grounded, still never abandon ship
I still never abandon ship
still never abandon ship
stay grounded, still never abandon ship
still never abandon ship
stay grounded, I still never abandon ship
Track Name: Teardrops
V1
The looking glass looking back sees and ugly man
I pulled my heart out, I got these bloody hands
Been to hell and back, still have the muddy vans
...
We went from smelling roses, to pushing daisies
You left me frozen, you left me crazy
You left me no notice, no note to tell me when you'd break me
But now I'm looking to the heavens "why the hell you make me?"
No vitamin d, I never see the sunlight
I'm drinking ‘til the birds chirp, but sleeping when the sun rise
There's demons in my first verse
There's demons in my last line
There's darkness in my heart, I'm not playing parts, im the bad guy
The sun is shining but I don't feel like smiling yet
Looking at your number trying not to dial it
Thinking bout your heart, I still see it violet
But mine is black n blue, I beat myself up I'm so violent
N I am not striving or surviving in my environment
Cause every time I try I am reminded of the time we spent
I can't find my pride what's a lion minus lioness
But I am just a child that is lying in a giant mess...yes
Boys who aren't allowed to cry shoot bullets
Gimme another few years I woulda pulled it
On myself
And let my brain splatter
It's only once you're gone that they realize the pain matters

HOOK
Teardrops are taboo
Unless they're on your face in the form of a Tattoo
(We've been living a lie, living a lie)

Teardrops are taboo
Unless they're on your face in the form of a Tattoo
(Rip off the mask you been living inside, living inside)

V2
Walking round this masquerade
Losing face as I rip off this mask they made
It's quite tragic been type casted but I'm active tryna detach n cast off this acting phase
Communicating with humans is such a bad charade
Going thru the motions and the movements I feel my laughter fade
No one knowing truth from illusion dude I'm about to rage
All these people clueless fool this palace is a palisade
Ayeee what's masculinity?
For me it made me mask a massive part of my identity
The top tier don't drop tears, don't set that as your centerpiece
Don't let em see ya cry is the message that was sent to me
That sentiment so senseless it ain't worth a FUCKING CENT TO ME
It makes my skin crawl like a MUTHA FUCKING CENTIPEDE
Taught to toss my tender tendency aside
Tearing tendons, too much tension, I've been keeping it inside
I've been heading for a dead end thank the heavens I'm alive
I've been breaking I'm not bending,
I need a friend to tend to me, n tell me it's gon be alright, someone tell me it's alright, I can't look you in the eyes
Cause I've been socialized to the point all emotion dies
Controlled by an entity invisible to open eyes, a ghost or a poltergeist
This hoax made me so inclined to go get high
Depression is a prison, addiction was the mortar that kept it fortified
This cultures lies
The rules aren't always spoken they're more implied
Leaving me more or less mortified
Boys who never shed tears, shed blood, I believe that to the core inside

HOOK
Teardrops are taboo
Unless they're on your face in the form of a Tattoo
(We've been living a lie, living a lie)

Teardrops are taboo
Unless they're on your face in the form of a Tattoo
(Rip off the mask you been living inside, living inside)
Track Name: Rain ft. Eli Master
V1
We talked into the morning and fell asleep on the phone together
woke up alone I'm hearing that dial tone forever
I have the worst urge turn back the hands of time
But once it's flipped that hourglass can't rewind
I still revisit the day I gave her an ultimatum,
saying you gotta pick, “It's me or him”
she took the ladder and left me up on that ledge again
Strung me along, strung me up by my heart strings
Cardiac arrested she did the crime then charged me
Cause now my friends are your friends and your friends are mine
Such a fucking mess we're all intertwined
And I can not pretend, ans tell you I'm fine cause I'm...
Standing in the mirror
Glasses blurry from my tears
I'm hurting, the only words I need to hear


Hook
I know your pain, I know your sorrow
They say the rain, will end tomorrow
But it feels like tomorrow never comes
They say it gets better but I’m scared it never does

V2
Retracing footprints like what I coulda what I shoulda done
Ruminating my brain is saying I'm not good enough
It felt like love it doesn't matter what you call it x3
Now the dark clouds follow me the rain is always fallin
You said youd leave him for me that tale was on the tall end
Wanna take our whole history crumble, ball it and toss it
Cut ties n cut losses,
Cut you out my memory, cause remembering is so toxic
Yet you beg to stay friends with me I feel like your hostage, and I'm haunted
By this image in my head of you smiling
hair blowing in the wind sun shining on ya skin
Sitting on my handle bars as were riding
Juxtaposed against the picture of me
Standing in the mirror
Glasses blurry from my tears
I'm hurting, the only words I need to hear

Hook
I know your pain I know your sorrow
They say the rain will end tomorrow
But it feels like tomorrow never comes
They say it gets better but I’m scared it never does x2

See me standing in the mirror
Glasses blurry from my tears
I'm hurting, only words I need to hear...

Hook repeats
Track Name: Numb
V1
Lemme tell ya what it's been like
Mutha fucka it ain't been nice
Life and death is a thin
Life & death...
I've had my heart shattered into pieces repeatedly
Picking up the parts scattered ain't a feat completed easily
filled with dark matter now my eyes bleeding frequently
Somewhere along the way that THC became a need for me, a fiend for weed,
Control alt deleted my idea of a deity
Depression so deep seeded I'm seeking a scene of greenery,
These demons be
Scheming & competing for a piece of me,
Dancing with the devil & romancing with reaper he's…
such a sinister snake...slithering off in secrecy
Convinced us his existence is fake,
The greatest trickery played, in history's days,
Satan’s so great at deceiving me
These odds don't add up evenly

BRIDGE
This ain't nothin nice, nothing nice
I've been struggling,
On the road to life, road to life
I've been stumblin
Slurring all my words,all my words
I've been mumblin
I got so much pain, so much pain
I can't stomach it

HOOK
I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, wanna feel nothing, nothing, nothing
I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, wanna feel nothing, nothing, nothing
Nothing, nothing nothing x 3
I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, wanna feel nothing

V2
Take off the edge until my blade is dull as ...butter knifes
So concerned with others thoughts I need to Numb these ...butterflies
Even when they flood me with compliments I brush’ em off as just utter lies
Sitting back & watching all my dreams as they flutter by
Telling myself ill follow them another time
Constantly comparing myself to all these other guys
Looking up to rappers kept my fucked up patterns so justified
Can't manage to look the man in the mirror in the fucking eyes
Struggling, seeing double & mumblin’, stumblin’, I'm in trouble &
Can't walk a straight fucking line
...The sound of drunken ruckus has become my lullabies
The answers no! So don't ask me if I'm fucking fine

BRIDGE
This ain't nothin nice, nothing nice I've been struggling,
On the road to life, road to life
I've been stumblin
Slurring all my words,all my words
I've been mumblin
I got so much pain, so much pain
I can't stomach it

HOOK
I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, wanna feel nothing, nothing, nothing
I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, wanna feel nothing, nothing, nothing

V3
Lemme tell you what it been like
Mutha fucka it ain't been nice
Life and death is a thin line
Life & death
Black n red black n red, all I see is black n red
Same old story in the morning always crawling back to bed
I don't wanna see the sun
Delete despicable texts I sent I check my checking account and count astoundingly depleted funds, I need to run cause
I got shame to the gills,
I got rage hate and guilt
Poor me, I got pain gimme pills
It's pouring, watch the rain as it spills
Don't kill my spirit just, pour me, a spirit to kill
Drain the addy nell, add the Adderall, then smoke a bowl
I'm in and out hell I need to slow my roll
Take your Ritalin out your hand if you're giving it out I'm out of hand with no control
Someone hold the wheel and cause here I go
I lit the spliff I hit escape
I hit the bottle, hit the bottom, I hit the pavement with my face
I hit the hospital, I told the doctor yo I feel no pain, I wonder if he feel the same
I'm Jekyll and Hyde-ing from my dark side it got me feeling strange
Waking up like how the fuck I get home last night
Everything is fuzzy, so many unknown s last night
I swear that wasn't me it musta bean an alter ego last night
Told myself I'd take it slow last night
I got my keys I can't believe I fucking drove last night
Did I leave broken glass on the road last night?
I wonder if there's...blood on my bumper
did I.. hit n run after hitting a runner
and.. kill an innocent soul last night? Oh no my god

Hook repeats